Volunteer Stories

The AASPC Annual Conference has included Counseling Story sessions for English and Spanish volunteers. Many stories have been shared. Thirty-six of these stories were printed in our premier edition of the Conference PROCEEDINGS. We have selected five of those to share with you here.

This is a return counseling session for Shelly. I saw her a year ago and we ended our session satisfactorily. In November of last year, she called the agency to request additional help. When asked if she would want me again, she responded positively.

Shelly has serious physical problems. She has Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteo Arthritis, skin ulcers, and is a Diabetic. She needs a hip replacement but is not a good candidate. Because of these problems, she is confined to a recliner. She uses a walker sparingly due to ongoing pain in walking.

She has full emotional support from her husband. He works away from their residence so Shelly is alone during the day. She has a daughter and a son and grandchildren, all of whom are loving and caring. The loneliness, illness, confinement, are contributing factors to her bouts of depression and anxiety.

Our visits are 12 in number, each lasting an hour. Shelly is a bright, loquacious, attractive, and a strong woman. Her isolation weighs heavily upon her. We talk a lot about her family. On this subject, she brightens. We also talk about her limitations, and the reality of her illness. We talk about her frustrations. She is remarkably forthright. I think she is brave.

I found a resource for her, which has and will make a significant difference in her life. I serve on the board of Community Resources for Independence. I referred Shelly to a staff member who in turn has provided a home helper for four hours a day, and another helper on weekends. She is helped to bathe and to dress. The helper does laundry, fixes lunch, and does the shopping. She helps in a myriad number of ways. In addition, CRI has found an electric wheel chair for Shelly’s use.

This help has relieved Shelly’s husband, and has much improved her spirits. When we terminated, I saw a strong woman who is coping well.

G was living on the second floor of a care home. An intern of our program related to me that this man was the most depressed client he had ever seen. Counseling sessions were tiring for the intern. Most of the material reported by the client was restricted to sports, especially baseball.

When I took over as a Peer Counselor, I met a man in his sixties who never dressed, rarely shaved and usually lay in bed. He also rarely went downstairs to eat in the dining room and because of stomach problems, his diet consisted mostly of a canned liquid diet. He chose to live without friends, as a hermit. The other people at the house had given up communicating with him. He had no relatives except for a son whose family lived in Petaluma and only rarely visited or telephoned him.

Over time, we established a trusting relationship and I learned that he grew up in New York. He remembered that his mother was placed in a mental institution. G went to college but could not finish because he was drafted into the Army and served as a 2nd Lieutenant. However he did not perform at the level of an Officer because of his many fears and he became a medic. He was assigned as an aid to an Army psychiatrist. At that time, he said, he was quite depressed. The army physicians gave him a total of over 40 Electro and some insulin shock treatments. Since at that time tranquilizes were not yet available, patients were simply strapped to a treatment table and then given the shock treatments. He expressed his horror of enduring these treatments but also thought that he benefited temporarily from the treatments. The effects lasted only about two weeks when his depression returned. Finally, he received a medical discharge and worked at a psychiatric clinic. Eventually he married a woman who was also deeply depressed and they had a child. Shortly after the birth of his son, his wife was placed in a mental institution in New York. G obtained a disability pension and moved to the West Coast.

My sessions with this gentle and kind man resulted in a good rapport and friendship. I followed his progress as a psychiatrist treated him with various types of psychotropic medications. About four times a year, G would see his psychiatrist who spent five minutes with him and renewed or changed prescriptions. Often it appeared to me that G was over-medicated and the drug treatments never appeared to work. G continued to live in his room as a hermit but never appeared angry or violent. Over time, his depression became worse. I became convinced that a new way had to be found for him. At that time, my supervisor and I became aware of a new program at Petaluma Valley Hospital. The objective of the program was for older people to benefit from short-term in-patient psychiatric care. The program was designed for patients with a variety of problems including severe depression, delusions, anxieties, phobias or panic attacks. A psychiatrist and a primary care physician directed the care of each patient at the hospital and helped the patient resolve his problems. The team provided diagnostic assessment, behavioral management, acute symptom relief and medical stabilization. The client's stay was in a safe environment; patients had their individual treatments and participated in groups. G made good progress and results were very encouraging. After about a week, G was discharged and moved back to his care home.

When I saw G, he was a different person. He would now eat in the dining room, made friends and appeared happy. After three weeks, the effect of the treatment began to wear off and he slowly returned to his previous lifestyle and depression. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter he contracted pneumonia and died. G taught me two big lessons - Change is possible even against great odds and sometimes we may succeed and, as counselors, we need to practice great patience.

We are inviting Senior Peer Counselors to share their peer counseling experiences with their peers at Asilomar on the evening of September 26. We request stories be prepared in written form, no longer than one typewritten page. Written stories accompanied by a completed "Authorization to Publish Counseling Story" will be considered for publication in either English or Spanish in the Conference Proceedings planned for distribution to AASPC members and others near the end of this year.

We encourage volunteers unable to attend the conference to submit stories, as well as those attending the conference. Benefits from writing and sharing our stories can include increased self-awareness of our counseling styles and the significance of counseling, learning from hearing or reading the stories of others, spreading understanding and the value of senior peer counseling to those outside the program, and an opportunity to make a special connection with a current or former client, or client's family.

Stories need not be about a specific client or clients. Those that are, need to respect client confidentiality by fictionalizing names and places, and by obtaining clients' permission when possible for counselors to share stories about them. Stories about groups, about counseling style, and personal growth stories are only a few other possible subjects for a counseling story.

Whatever its content, in order to be considered for publication by AASPC, a story need be accompanied by the authorization form printed on the back of this memorandum. In all cases the signatures of the author and the author's supervisor are needed, and when appropriate, the signature of the client or client's representative. We welcome stories for sharing at Asilomar, whether or not they are to be considered for publication.

"Let's take a deep breath, and focus on the here and now." For nearly nine years, this has been my weekly challenge to members of the "Challenges of Aging" counseling group. Changes in our lives seem to come faster and are more threatening as we grow older. Our group tries to accept that we can't control changes that are inevitable, so we must deal with the problems accompanying change as real challenge in order to have a happy life! Challenges include: loneliness, isolation, relationships with family and others, housing and transportation, financial needs, physical concerns - plus the personal problems of daily living.

Our group is a place where we can talk about these challenges in our own lives. We share our personal thoughts and feelings, we listen to the sharing of others and we gain understanding of the changes we are experiencing followed by insights in how we might cope with them.

As a group leader, my intention is to say as little as possible. The less "facilitating" we do, the greater the likelihood of meaningful sharing. No fixed agenda, non-judgmental listening, open-ended questioning, perhaps a little self-disclosure when necessary and ensuring everyone has a chance to participate at each meeting are the principal ingredients in my recipe for creating effective counseling groups.

At the close of each session, Joyce Taffi, my co-facilitator, invites all of us to stand in a circle, hold hands and share the positive energy of the group to meet our challenges.

A feature of the "Challenges of Aging" group is to take a two-week break after twelve meetings. This provides beginnings and endings, offers a chance to review, summarize and take stock of how each individual is doing and how the group is doing. Beginnings provide opportunities to review ground rules, especially commitment and confidentiality, and are a good time for new members to join the group. This periodic reevaluation has resulted in my continued co-facilitating "Challenges of Aging" for the past nine years.

I see how those of us challenged by aging, including myself, are helped by having a safe place to share, to learn from others' stories and to apply what may be useful to our lives. I see individuals gaining self-confidence and finding answers to their problems.

The seventeen years spent as a senior peer counselor at Glendale Memorial Hospital have been the best of the 85 years of my life. It continues to be an invigorating journey of discovery with an inner sense of satisfaction, allowing me to be comfortable with ongoing changes and refinements in my thinking.

Early on, a particularly troubled client "pushed my buttons." I couldn't stand her clinging demands on me. She kicked up ancient feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. Fortunately, I had the good sense to go looking for a counselor of my own to help me get through this period of conflict and unrest. Six months of working with a self-assured therapist opened my eyes to my inner strengths. I had entered disjointed, but I came away from that experience feeling more whole. Since then, I have felt more authentic, enjoying the freedom of having thrown off self-defeating ways.

Today I see myself, as others have noted, as being a good role model to those that I counsel; people who are engaged in the struggle to find a more healthy self.

I was aware a long time ago that I am an intuitive person. ("Intuition is when you know something, but, like, where did it come from?") My style of counseling is a relatively loose, unstructured and informal approach to problems contrasting with the more deliberate, systematic style commonly referred to as "analytic or rational." I have long trusted my "intuitive edge" as I listen to my clients. Tempered by experience, it has become a reliable and powerful force in my counseling. It is ever-present as a tool, enabling me to listen more meaningfully.

Helping others to be the best they know how triggers the creative part of me. I am always looking, as the counseling weeks go by, to nudge my clients to leap as the rabbit, rather than emulate the turtle, to free themselves from their nagging negativity. This I do even more by my affect than my words. One of my clients, in the early months of counseling, kept saying: "You are always so positive." After two years, this client suddenly, as yet unaware, finds us having a dialogue on a level playing field - going over the same material, but for the first time - her affect is POSITIVE! I feel useful. I feel more than just me. It's a heartfelt pleasure to witness clients moving on-and-up.

I cherish the hours spent in supervision with my peers. Their high energy, humor and dedication are a joy to be part of. Their non-possessive warmth and empathy for clients reflect the high standard of our supervision - and the altruism of our volunteering.

For our efforts there is a special payoff. Our potential keeps unfolding and expanding, and we are having fun each day of this good-to-be-alive life!

It is a great pleasure to share the experiences that I have had with my first client:

My client is a seventy-four-year-old male, who has recently suffered a stroke, resulting in immobility and memory loss. He has also had a larynectomy, due to throat cancer, and has difficulty in speech, due to lack of vocal cords. All this contributes to his frustration and constant depression.

My client was in deep dullness, apathy and lack of interest in life. When I started visiting him, I always found him lying down on a couch and he would only get up to go to bed. He would also suffer of dizziness and he used to loose his balance and fall down. This is how I started my weekly visits.

Although, during my peer senior counseling training, I learned of the importance in listening and minimizing my conversation. At the beginning, I found that trying to practice this was a real hassle. His communication is through a valve located in his throat, which he presses to speak, making it extremely difficult to understand him and somewhat uncomfortable for him.

My first impressions were very frustrating and I was very nervous because I wanted to understand what little he could say, but it was practically impossible. I found that the more nervous I got, the less I would understand him.

I began to believe that I would never be able to help him, but my coordinators encouraged me to persevere and have faith. They told me that with patience and exercise, he would get better.

A bus comes twice a week to pick him up to take him to an adult social center where he can meet other people and make crafts with his hands. But he is often not interested in going and sometimes he goes almost against his will.

My visits started in February and have continued ever since, but now my client looks happier and confident. He sewed two flags and decorated them for his physical therapy. This makes him feel proud of himself and has given him personal satisfaction. Now, he never lies down on the couch any more. He started walking around the house and welcomes me with happiness and a smile on his face. He shared with me that he would like to live in an apartment with a big window facing the street so that he could see people passing by. He is doing so well that he often walks downstairs to pick up his mail. On many occasions, I have not been able to visit him because he is gone out with his family.

Although I thought I did not contribute that much to his improvement, I cannot deny that my client has improved a lot and he has overcome his frustration. I can now understand him a lot when he talks, that is something I thought I would never be able to do.

Now I really believe that with my visits, patience and listening as part of the program "La Esperanza Vive," I made him realize that his life is important and he has now regained his desire to live.

I have been involved with the Senior Peer Counseling Program for over six years. I have worked with both individuals and as a co-facilitator for an evening group meeting.

It has been a unique learning experience. To sit and truly listen to another human being for an hour each week has taught me to be grateful for my own gifts and history and to deeply appreciate the special individuality of the other.

The knowledge that none of us have another's answers was strikingly brought home to me from a group experience. One of the group members had separated from her husband after months of great difficulty. He subsequently left town, returning back east to his birth family. While there, he had to be hospitalized for severe depression and was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. During the time of the separation, the wife struggled with conflicting emotions regarding her husband. In spite of his past verbal and emotional abuse, she expressed an ongoing love and concern for him. The other group members supported her decision to separate and were very forceful in insisting that she take care of herself first and leave him back east for his mother and family to deal with.

Because of the client's religious background and personal faith, she found it difficult to put her own needs ahead of her husband's. After months of internal conflict, the client announced to the group that she was taking her husband back home with her as soon as he was released from the psychiatric ward. The group members were aghast and pressured her to give up such a foolish and self-destructive plan. With support from the facilitators and well aware of the probable massive difficulties she would be encountering, she stuck to her decision.

It has been over two years now since she made that decision and I am pleased to report that she is a happier, stronger, wiser person because of finding her path and her answers with the help of the group.

As for me, it vividly reinforced that none of us have another's answers - all we can do is try to facilitate their search.